Things

1. Things that hurt good

2. Things I can’t control

3. Things I wish I didn’t have to do

4. Things in line with an orgasm

5. Things I wouldn’t do again

6. Things that make me feel like a child

7. Things I would miss

8. Other things (as yet uncategorised)
   

1/
Getting my eyebrows threaded
Starting my period during a dream
All massages
That YouTube video of the 9/11 tribute with Cascada playing over the top of it
Popping bacne
Thinking about space
BDSM
Christina’s World, 1948
Getting the mother’s name of everyone I’ve ever slept with tattooed on me
Crying alone at night
Realising

2/
My heating (95% of the time)
The actions of others
People unsubscribing from my Substack
People subscribing to my Substack
The wind
When an avocado ripens
My upstairs neighbour’s exercise regime
My Uber rating (to a degree)
London’s rental market
Fruit flies

3/
Get over stuff
Cancel plans
Clean the food bits from the sink plug
Flatten cardboard packaging
Ask for what I need
Cook
Admit defeat
Add mistakes to my writing s;o people know it’s not ChatGPT

4/
Making my therapist laugh
Specifically 1:42 to 2:13 in ‘Something’ by The Beatles
Receiving an email containing good news
Finding a shop that sells mint Poppets*
*(Home Bargains, B&M Bargains, the off licence inside Brixton tube station)
Laughing on the phone
Bumping into someone you know
Eating mint Poppets
“Good girl”
New York
Landing a joke

5/
Disneyland alone
Pilates online
Swallow cum
Watch the 2015 film Victoria
Buy sweets from one of those Oxford Circus tax-evading candy stores
University
Date someone more than a decade older than me
Go blonde
Use duct tape in place of tit-tape

6/
When the popular girl is weird with me at a party
Flumps
Kneading dough
Getting a cold
Wrapping presents on the floor
The Simpsons at 6pm
Being told off at work and trying not to blush or cry or both
Being addressed by my actual name
Pick ‘n’ mix
My Sweet Lord by George Harrison
Making new friends in my 30’s
When I misjudge interrupting someone speaking
Heavy tog duvet

7/
Summer mornings
Big bogeys
Kissing
On The Radio by Donna Summer
The Original Doxy Massager
Being hit on
The smell of roasted nuts on London Bridge (I’ve never bought them)
Waiting for a Polaroid to develop
Pretzels
Everyone I love
TK Maxx
The head massage at the hairdressers sink
Burrata

8/
Being called a ‘woman’ or a ‘lady’ in front of a small child
Unprecedented events
The new Arctic Monkeys song
Dick pics
Discovering my first boyfriend has a child now
Pins and needles in my butt or pussy or both
Crème caramel
Hammering a nail into drywall
Ethical non-monogamy
Pistachio